086: [SOLO] Embracing Life’s Challenges, Finding Peace in Surrender, & Redefining Success

In this episode, I open up about the unexpected blessings that can come from life’s toughest moments. When my mom was diagnosed with stage four pancreatic cancer, everything changed. But through the struggle, our family found a closeness we hadn’t felt in years. Watching her respond positively to chemo brought a sense of peace I never expected, teaching me the deep power of surrender and acceptance.

In a world that’s all about hustle and deadlines, I reflect on what happens when you let go of control and redefine success on your own terms. Meditation and the art of acceptance have completely transformed how I handle life’s curveballs, from canceled plans to unexpected challenges. Instead of letting anxiety run the show, I’ve found more ease by considering both the worst and best-case scenarios—leading to a sense of fulfillment that feels more genuine.

Join me as I share how this mindset shift has changed both my personal and professional life, and why I’m stepping into a future that’s less focused on outcomes and more centered on living in the present.

Chapters

• 0:09 Embracing Change and Surrender in Life
• 17:18 Letting Go of Control and Success

Transcript

Kasia: 0:09

Hello and welcome to the Other Way, a lifestyle podcast exploring uncommon, unconventional or otherwise alternative approaches to life, business and health. I'm your host, kasia. I'm the founder of Inflow, a women's wellness brand that designs intentional products to help women reconnect to their unique cyclical rhythm and find a balance between being and doing. This podcast is an extension of my mission with Inflow. Here we provide intentional interviews with inspiring humans, trailblazers, researchers, spiritual teachers and more on the journey of doing things the other way. All right, everyone. Hello and welcome back to the Other Way. If you are just tuning in and you are a new listener, so nice to meet you. My name is Kasia. This is my first solo episode of the fall 2024 season.

Kasia: 1:13

For those of you who have been following along for some time, I ended off our summer season with kind of what I would describe as a earthquake experience. My mom was diagnosed with stage four cancer pancreatic cancer, we now know, but stage four, metastatic cancer. At the time, I was recording from New York after what truly felt like a complete earthquake to my life, and after the date of that recording, we stayed in New York, my husband, my dog and I and my entire family actually for about two months working remotely. We paused the podcast. That was a planned kind of pause, but the timing was also perfect to kind of allow me to have a bit more space personally, and I'm back recording this on October 1st and really thrilled to be back. Also thrilled to be recording this update episode because today is a really special day it is my mama's birthday. Happy birthday mom. Um, happy birthday mom. And today we also got an update on her progress since she started chemo and it looks like things are heading in a really good direction. So I'm just feeling so relieved, so, so, so grateful and just so relieved. Yeah, I just want to pause there.

Kasia: 2:52

I will share that this experience has been the most unexpected, best, worst gift ever. I know that I talked about this on the last episode and my last solo episode, where I talked about just what an unbelievable shakeup this experience has created in my life and, although I never would have wished for it, I think in many ways, this experience has been such a beautiful blessing and a gift. As I mentioned, my family spent two months together. We saw a lot of aunts fly in that we haven't seen in some time. We got to spend a lot of really quality time together as a family immediate family, and then slightly extended and we haven't been able to do something like that for years. Honestly, we're really all spread out as a family unit. I live here on the West Coast I'm actually back in California now but my family lives in. My parents live in Puerto Rico predominantly. My brothers spend their time between New York and Puerto Rico and they travel a lot for work, and so we've been really spread out, and so to have that undivided time and attention together, it was just so incredibly beautiful.

Kasia: 4:16

And there also have been so many profound shifts in my life, shifts that I didn't expect. I don't know if you can hear this in my voice, but I definitely feel it in my life. Shifts that I didn't expect. I don't know if you can hear this in my voice, but I definitely feel it in my presence.

Kasia: 4:35

I have leaned so deeply into my mindfulness practice and I have understood some things about my practice and about really the ways that I think the world works. I have kind of come to terms with things in a very different way. Let me actually kind of elaborate on that a bit. Prior to my mom's diagnosis, I was and still tend to be, but really was a super, super stressed person. I was so, so, so, so so stressed about the outcomes of things. I was stressed about my business in flow. I was stressed about this podcast, about where it would go, what it would look like, about you know the limited amount of time that I have to create something in my life, and stressed about my future, stressed about kids, not kids all that stuff, finances, all the things and my mom's diagnosis shook me to the core in a way that I didn't expect. Not only did I feel like it put a lot of things in perspective for me about what matters, but it also really helped me see how little control we actually have as humans on earth, and I think I have gotten so comfortable with surrendering right now that it has actually that like that feeling of lack of control and the feeling of hopelessness, as Pima Chodron calls.

Kasia: 6:20

It is actually strangely so comforting just to lean into that and this is coming from a control freak as well. I mean someone who has been goal setting since I was about 18, 19, someone who has been optimizing every minute of her day, vision boarding, planning for the future, and I want to say it's not like I don't do those things. I actually have so many incredible things that I'm excited about, about the future, things that I'm looking forward to, but I think that I'm just a bit less attached to that outcome. I have had so many things happen over the course of this year most meaningfully, of course, my mom's diagnosis, but other things around my own health and path that have just shown me that there just really isn't that much that we can control. There are things, of course, we can influence, there are things we can hope for, there are things that we can do to hope for the best outcome, but at the end of the day, control is just such an illusion and I think that surrendering into that and being like, all right, well, I just can't control what's going to happen right now. I can't control my mom's outcome. I can hope for the best and I can hold the duality of the best case scenario and the worst case scenario and see them both in a raw, unfiltered way and just witness them and witness my emotions with both of those things, but I cannot control the outcome and there's just something so deeply refreshing and comforting in that surrender and I truly feel like that has deeply influenced and changed my life, and so that is kind of a update on the emotional landscape that has shifted since that last recording and also the gifts that have come with that, with just realizing that I don't know, I will never know, and I can hope and do my best, but that's really all that there is for a lot of things anyway. All right, so that is a little bit of a life update.

Kasia: 8:58

As I mentioned, I'm recording this on October 1st. It is definitely the start of autumn, although it doesn't feel that way here in Mill Valley, california. It's about 80 degrees. So this sweater if you're kind of seeing me on camera is a hopeful sweater. I'm definitely ready for a bit of that seasonal change that I'm hoping is coming, and I can also feel the transition in the air. So for those of you who have stuck around for a while, you'll know that I had spent some time studying Chinese medicine about two years in grad school and I absolutely love Chinese medicine theory and the foundational theory of Chinese medicine. I feel like it ties back so deeply to nature and it's one of the things that I just absolutely adore about Chinese medicine and the season of autumn. I can feel some of the shifts in the air, that theme of letting go, releasing a bit of grief. I can feel that energy in the air, even though the temperature is still quite warm. The shifts are definitely happening and we did a series of Chinese medicine-related seasonal episodes last year which I will hyperlink the autumn and the winter one in the show notes in case you're curious about it.

Kasia: 10:18

But the season of autumn in traditional Chinese medicine is associated with the metal element, which represents themes of reflection, release and balance. It's that time of contraction when nature begins to pull inward, leaves begin to fall and energies consolidate in preparation for the winter. And I definitely feel that very, very true in my body. I'm noticing that I'm feeling a little bit more inward already. I'm noticing that I'm needing a little bit more rest over the weekends and I'm noticing a little bit of that kind of introversion, kind of coming to the forefront of my life, and I love it. I think that a older version of myself would be definitely beating myself up right now, because the two months in New York were not quite as quote unquote productive as I would have wanted them to be, and I'm quote unquote behind. But right now I'm definitely appreciating and moving into this new season of autumn and leaning into it and moving into this new season of autumn and leaning into it. So let's talk a bit about some of the themes that are present in Chinese medicine, because I think that it'll be a good setup for one of the things that I want to cover today, which is on these solo episodes. I want to include kind of the things that I'm bringing in and also releasing in case they might spark some inspiration for other listeners. But to set the stage for that, let's talk a bit about some of the kind of core elements, energies that are present in the season of autumn, which I think will set up my releasing and bringing in very well.

Kasia: 12:02

So in Chinese medicine, the element, as I mentioned, is metal. The organs associated with autumn are lungs the lungs, which are yin, and large intestine, which are yang. So the lungs and large intestine are a organ pair. All organs operate in pairs in Chinese medicine and the two are kind of the perfect harmony of each other. So yin and yang, and the lungs are responsible for taking in and letting go, symbolizing the breath of life, and the large intestine assists in releasing what the body no longer needs. So what a beautiful, almost poetic description for what is happening energetically as well. The emotion of autumn is grief and letting go, so that shedding that we just talked about and it is a powerful time to process grief and allow for a healthy release of what is no longer serving you.

Kasia: 12:56

So some habits for autumn that I am definitely bringing in. I'm balancing activity with rest, becoming very aware of what that's looking like in my life and just as a concrete example, last week I went on a one-week off-site with a company that I consult for and it was a really intense week back-to-back-to-back days of brainstorming, days of brainstorming, strategizing, presenting. I had to present quite a bit myself and I just felt like the imbalance of that yang energy present in my body and I made a conscious effort instead of going all out on all the social activities that were happening the dinners Instead of going all out on all the social activities that were happening the dinners, the networking, the staying up late, the gaming, all things that are great but for my own body I found myself definitely leaning into how do I balance out all this yang energy? It looked like setting some boundaries around literally just I don't know what the term is but like exiting when I needed to after dinner and just like walking out if I had to in order to get some rest. For me, it meant prioritizing more sleep instead of morning movement. It meant staying in my room a bit longer in the morning or doing some solo things that were very quiet, or meditating on one of the breaks instead of just going ham, networking and gaming and all the other things that were happening. So how can you bring in some of that balance? How can I bring in some of that balance with Russ? That is definitely a core theme.

Kasia: 14:41

A couple of other things eating warm, nourishing foods. I just made my Instant Pot lentil soup super simple French lentil soup, green lentil soup so good with carrots and celery for the season. I like to make a big batch of that every single week, especially when it starts to get a little cooler outside, and it's not cooler outside yet, but this is symbolic to get a little cooler outside and it's not cooler outside yet, but this is symbolic and kind of how do I bring in all of the seasonal ingredients that way? So I love making pots of soup with all of the seasonal ingredients for the harvest season or the season of autumn and then, from a mental and spiritual point of view, releasing what no longer serves you, and we're going to talk about that now. So for me, in terms of some habits that I'm bringing in and some things that I'm releasing that no longer serve me, from a bringing in point of view, one thing that I'm playing with this season is bringing in seasonal sleeping, and I don't know if this is a term, but I'm doing it.

Kasia: 15:50

I've become really aware of the changes of the ratio of light to dark throughout the day and sunset and sunrise here in California is about around seven and sunset is around seven as well now and I'm definitely bumping up my evening routine to go to bed a bit earlier and I'm sleeping in a little bit later. One of the things that I've been prioritizing actually is sleep over a super early morning routine, so I'm usually like a 6 am riser and I've pushed that back to 7 am. Of course, I have like the luxury of doing that with the type of work that I do, but just really allowing myself some space in the morning to have an easeful morning, as opposed to just like jumping into a bootcamp class first thing, which I'm definitely not doing right now, into a boot camp class first thing, which I'm definitely not doing right now. And, speaking of movement, I'm embracing a less is more approach to movement. So for me, I'm actually trying to cap out my workouts at about 35 minutes right now, doing slower, more intentional strength training. Doing slower, more intentional strength training and letting go some of the rigid workout routines that I was doing. So less is more, more walking, more time in nature and less of that intensity. So that is kind of what I'm bringing in this season.

Kasia: 17:18

What I'm letting go of and this goes very well with what I spoke to a little bit earlier is grasping and control. That is something that I'm practicing in my meditation practice watching thoughts come in and then letting them go, watching sensations come in and then letting them go. I meditate every morning for about 20 minutes and I practice that, and then I practice it in my day-to-day life as well. So releasing things that are behind schedule. So very often there will be a hiccup with a meeting, that is, you know, somebody cancels a meeting last minute, doesn't tell me, or, let's say, there is a delay with the flight and now the plans that I had kind of following that are all falling apart. I'm really allowing myself to just surrender to things that change that are outside of my control and I'm really allowing myself some space to stop grasping at the outcome in all areas of my life. So in the unexpected, beyond my control areas, not letting that stress me out Obviously easier said than done, but I will say that practicing that letting go in my meditation folds into how I try to treat my days, in kind of practicing that ability of just releasing and letting go and not holding on to things that are outside of my control.

Kasia: 18:50

And I just want to reflect, if anyone is out there listening to this, being like Kasia, you don't understand that thing that is falling apart right now. That is life or death for me. That thing. Thing cannot fall apart Like I need that thing to come through because of this and that and the other thing Like I need that deal to come through because if I don't, then my business will fall apart and then this and this and this and this and this will happen. I urge anyone who's having that kind of a response to push back at that answer and to practice. This is just an invitation, leaning into the feeling of well, what if this falls apart? What will happen truly? What is the worst case scenario and how can I sit with that and is there a best case scenario that can come out of that? With that, and is there a best case scenario that can come out of that?

Kasia: 19:48

I've been practicing this quite a bit in my life and just really surrendering the things that I can't control, like the timelines or very specific outcomes, and it has offered so much ease in my life, even things like presentations. I know I have to give a presentation or I know that I have to do something stressful and I know that I've blocked the time to do it and I'm nervous if it's going to be enough time or what if I'm not able to finish the things I have to in that time frame. I'm just surrendering that stress because if that happens, I know that I will figure it out. I have experienced time and time again in my life experiences of it somehow works out not the way that I expected. It looks completely different and the things just somehow work out and if they don't, then I face and cope with them. I face them when they happen as opposed to worrying in advance. Again, this is a practice that I'm working with, but I just cannot unsee the shift that has occurred in my life since my mom's diagnosis, around just feeling like I cannot control the outcome of this disease. I can hope for the best and I can have the best time with my mom, with my family, now and live my life to the best of my ability now because, whatever outcome will happen, I will have to walk through that door at that time maybe good or bad but there's no reason for me to prepare to live through it now. I'm not there yet. I don't know if that makes sense, but that's definitely something that I'm working with and I will share that.

Kasia: 21:39

One of the things that this has definitely influenced in my life and I wasn't expecting it to influence me that deeply has been my relationship to success. Yeah, you know it's interesting. As I was preparing for this episode, I was going to say that this releasing the need to grasp and control has shifted my relationship to work, but I actually want to say that that's not true. It is my relationship to success. For context, if anyone listening to this is a very dear friend, you will know me as somebody who has always had a lot of anxiety around getting to a certain place in my career, in my business, and feeling a lot of anxiety around that and I'm noticing a bit of space there and it's space that makes me a little uncomfortable of I don't know like a sigh in between where I am and where I want to be, and that kind of young energy of needing to get there. I'm noticing just a little bit of space there that's present. Now I want to talk about why that makes me feel uncomfortable and I think a lot of type A ambitious women out there listening to this may relate, but for many, many, many years there was a subconscious and later conscious part of myself that associated that anxiety, that stress around striving and success, as the root of why I got to where I was in my career.

Kasia: 23:31

And I actually had somebody very successful who struggles with anxiety say this to me the other day Well, your anxiety around work and stuff is what makes you successful. Work and stuff is what makes you successful. And I beg to differ at this point. Now the me a year ago would have been like no, no, no, no, no. That anxiety is what makes me successful, that pressure makes me successful. And I would say to the version of myself that believed that perhaps that is that anxiety and that stress and that grasping is what makes me successful in the context of success for a specific reason. But the authentic version of success that I feel like I'm starting to align with now does not have that grasping, that craving, that fearful energy behind it and I want to unravel that a bit.

Kasia: 24:37

When I was striving for success out of validation or out of fear validation of I am good enough, fear being if I don't do this, I will be broke, homeless, all the things then yeah, there was a lot of anxiety there and I think that maybe in some parts or some times of my life, especially the fear stuff could actually have been a real reality to be worried about. But I've definitely had a reckoning with the parts within me that still believe those stories and also I think that there has developed within me a type of strength that allows me to see and witness those fears and still be okay with them if that makes sense. There's a part of me that has developed a sense of trust that if that worst case scenario that I'm so scared of happens, that fear happens, that I can make it through. And there's been another part of me that's looking at that other motivation, that validation side of me, and is questioning where does that come from? And I think that evolution, that loosening of my ego's grip on I must be successful. I must be successful. I'm running out of time. If I don't, then who am I?

Kasia: 26:15

Was my life meaningful if I didn't achieve or create or build a specific thing within a specific timeline before I die? That narrative is softening. Specific timeline before I die. That narrative is softening. It's like I have a different view of my life. I am able to see my life a bit more holistically than I was before. I'm seeing it through the lens of not just the part of myself that sees my entire identity as a business owner or as a particular capable type of person, but I see my life through the lens of all of me, the part of me that also values my rest and my mindfulness practice and my ability to have freedom of time and travel and family and all these other things in my life that I value, and I think that shift has been so powerful.

Kasia: 27:16

I don't know if any of this is making sense. If you're listening to this and you're like I have no idea what you're talking about, I would understand that too, because I'm pretty sure that's also how I would have felt last year, and definitely many a therapist and meditation teacher was probably trying to communicate something like this to me, but I have to say that I feel like I've opened Pandora's box and this autumn is definitely a shedding of some of the realizations that have come through over the last couple of months. All right, and there you have it a little bit of a life update and update on what's going on, what's coming up. I want to welcome you all back to this season of the other way. We have some amazing guests. You. I'm so excited about all of them.

Kasia: 28:09

The themes for this season we're going to continue on the theme of women's health, for sure. Spirituality definitely exploring the intersection of Buddhism and our modern world, buddhism for the ambitious mind and we're going to be doing quite a bit of exploration around the intersection of our spiritual lives and our work lives. So if any of those topics interest you, you're definitely in the right place. I'm so pumped about our guest list, I'm so happy to have you here as part of the community and, yeah, thank you for tuning in. I hope you like this kind of short and sweet, semi short and sweet update on life and I'll see you next month with another solo update and see you on the next episode.

Kasia: 29:04

Bye, thank you so much for tuning into the Other Way. If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a five-star review. It really helps the podcast grow and I'm ever so grateful. If you want to stay connected, you can find information on how in our show notes. And finally, if you're curious about inflow and want free resources around cyclical living or moon cycles, check out inflowplannercom. And, of course, for all my listeners, you can use the code podcast10, and that's all lowercase podcast10, for 10% off any purchase. All right, that's all for today. See you next time.